Mind Tricks During Meditation

 It was 2005. I chose to practice meditation in a more serious way. I started to sit in silence and stillness for ten minutes. This seemed unbearably long so I used a timer to keep track of time. It was incredible how long one minute really was. 

The irritation increased and a sense of guilt would come over me. I would think, ‘Marise, how dare you do nothing when your house is a mess. You should be doing the dishes. When was the last time you vacuumed?‘. The first week, I could not make it to ten minutes without looking at the timer at least 20 times. The irritation was so unbearable that on two occasions I got up to do something. 

It was my commitment and patience that over time things started to change. I stopped resisting what was present and started to acknowledge what was arising without judgment. This enabled me to sit with less irritation. I was able to prolong my sit time to 15 to 20 minutes and no longer needed my timer. A sweet spot developed where I would experience periods of stillness. It is in the stillness I experienced more joy and ease and this same feeling started to show up in the days that followed. I felt like I was getting the hang of this. The guilt was no longer present and I experienced joy to sitting in stillness. 

One day that was not like any other, my meditation was interrupted with my body spontaneously starting to sway from side to side. It felt like a big sea kelp plant being moved by the current of the ocean swaying from side to side. I was amused by what was happening and went along with it. It never happened again the same way, however, other phenomena would happen. I would have the impression that someone walked into the room and turned on the lights, even though I was alone in the house. I would feel the presence of people around me, even though I was alone. Then I started getting this funny feeling inside of me. This feeling would arise about 10-15 minutes into my meditation. It was as if I was hitting a wall and could not get past it. What was happening? I thought it was time for me to seek out a meditation coach to get answers to these weird things happening to me. 

I visited this woman who explained the concept of phenomena and suggested this wall I referred to was what they call an absorption. I had no idea what an absorption was. 

She recommended a year-long meditation course which I ended up signing up for. 

I discovered, the mind is always playing trick and phenomena are mind tricks. I was to acknowledge these sensations and impressions just like thoughts, let it go and stay focused. Never to follow them and risk falling in it’s trap nor develop a desire to experience these ‘special’ moments again. Every meditation practice is unique. For me meditation became a practice of discipline, learning boundaries, focus and awareness.

Marise