Keep It Up!

It was at the end of 2010, when I heard a voice loud and clear in my head. It said, “It is time to sit consistently every day.” Ah, okay, I will start January 3rd, after the holidays have passed and I can focus on getting up early every morning. I will start with 40 days and go from there. 

There were a few things I needed to figure out. Where will I sit? I chose to sit in my office in the basement. I had a beautiful pillar candle made of beeswax which I lit with every sitting. I purchased a meditation cushion. I decided which technique of meditation I would practice for my 40 days. What time of day would I practice? Since I had young children, the only time that would work for me was before the day started. So I chose 4:30 am.

Now, how on earth was I going to get out of bed at 4:30 EVERY morning? I decided to devote my meditation to Jesus. If he were alive, I would totally get my butt out of bed to spend time with him. So I created that I was meeting with him at this time. Then I set an alarm on my cell phone and plugged it in in the kitchen on the main floor. Hearing it in the morning prompted me out of bed to turn it off so it did not wake the whole house. Once I was up, I was awake enough to consciously not go back to sleep. 

It worked! 40 days went by and I was inspired to keep going.  I was on a roll. It did not matter what was happening in my life (travel, visitors, late nights), I got up and did my practice.  

This gave me some personal power, joy and I gained so much clarity everyday. 

I remember eagerly getting up every morning to go meet with Jesus and sit in meditation. My meditation practice brought me inner peace, love and joy. Love was present, actually it was so present that I questioned If I was doing something wrong. 

2011 was a particularly difficult year for me in my marriage. My husband and I had grown apart.  In my life I felt unworthiness and sadness. It was like I had two lives. I shared with my friend that it was like I was having an affair. Was it bad that I was experiencing so much love in my meditation which was outside of my marriage? Sitting in meditation was definitely an escape. 

I got up every morning without missing a day that year. When December rolled around, things were changing. I guess I was hitting a new level of meditation. I was getting distracted with phenomena. My 250 hours beeswax candle burned up in flames in one hour,  I had massive pain at the top of my head, I heard people talking, doors opening and people walking into my room, lights turning on and off and so on. I may have been a little more vulnerable during this time and decided that my year was up and I was going to stop my practice and that was it. I know that you are not supposed to entertain phenomena but this was getting too much for me.  

2012 started off rough and turned out to be an awful first 6 months. I did not understand at first, but in June I met a woman with whom I shared my practice and the aftermath. She explained that the ‘caca’ that was happening to me was a result of a backwash of my stopping the current of purification. Stopping my practice resulted in my days going terribly wrong and it felt like ‘caca’ hit the fan. This subsided in July and life was easier.   

It made me realize the power of meditation even if you think nothing is happening. 

Even if you do not experience any changes or the benefits of meditation at first, continue, stay focused and consistent. Don’t let anyone deviate you from your commitment.  Only when you stop you will experience the blessings it brings. You get to clear so many shadows along the way too. Keep it up! It is so worth it.

Marise